EP39 Your Toddler Does Not Need A Pacifier

As parents, we are very critical of ourselves, we don't need anyone else to help with that! So if your child needs a little comforting give it to them, even if that comfort is a pacifier!

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Hello and welcome to this episode of I don't know Jack about parenting, and today I'm going to talk about why your toddler definitely does not need a pacifier.

Welcome back to this episode of I don't know, Jack about parenting and today I'm going to talk about why your toddler does not need a pacifier. I mean, at the end of the day, why does somebody need to be comforted? Why would you want to comfort a child while he's going through or she's going through teething? Why would you want to comfort them when they're about to go to bed? Let's just interrupt their life simply because other people may not think that it's appropriate for a small child to have a pacifier. Now, what prompted me to do this this morning, I read a great article, I think it's called dad and buried like dead and buried. A guy has a great website, great blog, go check it out, and he's a dad and he wrote a blog article about this where he put a little video out of is less than two year old son dancing to like an 80 song and it's like 2017 when he put this video out and somebody commented, hey, why is the kid have a pacifier?

I'm judging myself

Didn't comment on the music, didn't come in on anything, but he felt offended. Like of all things you're going to focus on, you're going to focus on the fact that he has a pacifier in his mouth and I don't know about you, but as a parent, I don't know Jack about parenting, but I know how I feel about parenting every day, every single day, every single choice. I'm judging myself and I really, and I imagined some of you parents out there and I know moms in particular really don't want other people judging me on hard enough on myself as a parent who knows. He doesn't know Jack really don't need other people telling me or questioning why my, at this point, 17 months old still uses pacifier and they brought me back to a time when my first son had a pacifier.

He was about nine months old. He was, he may even have been younger, maybe it was six months old and I'm just going to share a little backstory that my wife and I, when we got married, we're long distance relationship and we lived in different states and we just traveled back and forth a lot to see each other. And in the first couple years of my son's life, uh, we were on airplanes quite often with him either. I was going to see her. She was coming to see me and whoever had the baby, it was getting on a plane with a baby. Um, so the one thing we did was create a routine of. He always went to bed at the same time, he always ate at the same time and whether he was on an airplane in our house in Florida, our apartment in Georgia, wherever he was, he knew he was going to get fed at the same time.

That's what comforts him

He knew he was going to go to sleep at the same time and we booked flights around this stuff. It was crazy. So he still had consistency and wasn't like all over the place in one of two things that helped in that process I believe is his pacifier and he has a little teddy. My son is seven years old and we had to get duplicates of the teddies and you know, because they were dirty and things like that. He still has these three teddies and listen at the end of the day, he still sleeps with these three. Teddy's so and so bloody out there. Maybe like dead man. I mean, that's ridiculous. He was sleeping with some teddy's. That's what comforts him. I doubt he's going to college with Teddy's a doubt he's going to be hanging out, uh, in high school would, is Teddy's. So I'm not attached to when he's supposed to get rid of the teddies. I just know some day he will and as long as they comfort him and make him feel good, I'm all for it.

Or same thing with the pacifier. So it brought me back to this time where he was somewhere between six and nine months. We were in this transition period. Somebody that would take care of him, and I don't want to name names, I don't want people to think, but there was a male figure. Good old, good old guy, right? Man. Hey. I had just put the pacifier in his mouth after a nap. He's kind of on the floor and there's other male in our life. Walks up to him and he's like, man, why do you need that pacifier? You're not a baby. And he plucked it out of his mouth. Mind you, I have a very consistent routine and for me this is something that conference him in the chaos in his life of being on airplanes, being in different homes, other people watching him like this is something that is a consistent thing that we're giving to him for comfort and he uses his comfort and I'll tell you in that moment, I snatch that thing right out of that person's hand. I said I'm his father. I gave it to him and you're not with him as much as I am. This is part of our consistency. So and I just want you to know not only am I going to give it to them, this statement that you said to him is, hey, you're not a baby. 

I remember so little

Last time I checked, a six month old is a baby, so if he's 16 and he has one in his mouth, you could look at me and judge me, but right now you don't live my life and you don't know the discomforts this child goes through because we live in two different states, so if you don't mind, I'm going to allow my son to have a pacifier and I was pretty damn stern and I may have said it a little bit different tone than what I just shared with you. Listen people, if your kid has a pacifier and the masses are like, oh, those are a crutch or they're this or they're that. Let those people deal with that and those same people either don't have. Kids are so far removed from having kids. They don't realize how much it impacted their life or you know what? There are so good because I could go back to those times. I remember so little because life was so hectic in those early months and even years of my son's life like, I'm so glad I have video and pictures because it's all a blur. They just don't realize what a savior that thing can be. Now I'm going to, I'm going to share with you the 17 month old. When I pick him up from daycare every single day. Uh, he usually has his pacifier in his mouth at the daycare. They always tell me and he barely uses it.

He always uses it here towards the end of the day, but he barely uses it. I said, that's great. Whether they use it or not, doesn't matter to me. I'm sure there's parents who have challenges with that, but I usually pick them up. And the first thing I say, we call it a bubble. I say, give, give daddy your Bobo. I don't take it out of his mouth. And he takes it right out of his mouth and he puts it in my hand and it's to the amazement of the women in the room, but I have never told him you can't have Bobo. Now if he reaches towards the closet that has them, I give it to him, but he does that seldomly. I don't get up in the morning and say, here it is because he doesn't necessarily need it, but if he asked for it, he's telling me one of two things, either one, he wants it or two, he's ready to go to bed and he likes to have it when he sleeps, so who am I to deny his comfort or his need and I personally could care less what other people judge me on and I hope you could care less of what other people judge you on when you're in your house and you know what's right for you, your family and your child.

I don't know Jack about parenting, but I know that kids need to be comforted. Kids need to feel loved and kids need to feel that they are communicated in and being able to be communicated to and communicate back and it's our job as parents to really listen not to the outside world, but to our own children while still creating comfort at the same time while creating some boundaries. I'll talk to you in the next episode.

Ryan Roy

About the Author

Ryan Roy

Ryan Roy is the father of two boys and on a mission to be the dad he wished he had... and to help other fathers be the best they can be too.

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