EP17 – Kids And Fireplaces
What do you do when your 14-month-old is running toward the fireplace... and all of your instincts are wrong
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Welcome to this episode of, I don't know Jack about parenting. In today's episode, we're going to talk about what you gotta do when your one year old's going right towards the fireplace and you can't stop the child.
The firearm place was off
Hey, welcome back to this episode of I don't know Jack about parenting and I'm going to tell you in this episode what happened when my one year old was playing by the fireplace. Now I'll let you know, probably brought you in because you're like, oh man, what happened? Fireplace. One year old. I have one of those. The firearm place was off. There was nothing being harmed, but I really don't want my one year old becoming familiar with. We have a gas fireplace, has a lot of small pebbles and rocks as many of you know... early aged child they like to put everything in their mouth. I don't want little rocks that he could choke on going into his mouth, nor do I want the soot things like that. Um, him going near the fireplace.
So the morning that this was happening, my immediate thought was I got to tell him no, right. That's an immediate reaction that most of us parents have. And then we wonder why our children's first word is no because that's probably a word they heard mostly. But in chapter 13 in my book, be the dad you wish you had. And, and I, I love the title because it resonates with dads and that's who I take my audience is. But moms know that the book in the lessons in it apply to you also in chapter 13, I have a chapter that says, never say no. And I go, I wrote the book on this. Ryan, how do I approach this? Even though my instinct tells me to say no, don't go near the fireplace. So I have another chapter in the book that says, tell them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do.
He jumps into my arms
So I thought to myself, self, what do you want them to do? Oh, I want them to walk away from the fireplace, but I got to give them a specific destination. So he's 14 months old. He understands plenty. I looked at him and I was like, Jayden, come to Daddy. And he looked at me, big smile on his face. Turned around 6:00 in the morning is first thing in the morning he waddles his little butt over to me. He jumps into my arms and I start to tickle him. Uh, I believe that's chapter 17 in the book. Tickle time. You got to find your kids tickle spots. You've got to make your kids laugh. I think laughter makes the world go round and there's nothing, there's not a better sound in the world than your own child laughing uncontrollably and hysterically. Right? So listen to what I just said there because this is the lessons I took away from this whole message and that's why I wanted to share it.
My instinct is to say no, but my training and my own book and the things I've read say, Hey, listen, empower children by giving them choice. Empower children by allowing critical thinking skills. But if I don't have critical thinking skills myself, how am I supposed to teach my children critical thinking skills so I know better what is the best choice and this all happened to me in a few moments. Like I can't tell him no. I don't want to tell him no, I don't use the word no in my house very often. So what do I do? Tell them what I want them to do. He comes to me. We have an amazing moment where he comes over, he tickles, he laughs, we're on the couch, and then he rolls off the couch and he walks away. Where do you think he goes?
He's being diverted from where I want him
It was right back over to the fireplace. But I don't want an altercation. I don't want this to be elevated. So I look at him and I say, Jaden, come to daddy, and he is a big smile on his face. He turns around and he waddles over to me and we had this experience a second time, sorry for the son in the eyes. Can't do much about the sun and the positioning. Uh, when, when I got into the car and I thought to myself, man, what a fun interaction I'm having with my son right now. He's listening, right? We're laughing, he's doing what I'm asking him to do. He's being diverted from where I want him to be and we go through that interaction again. So I let him down. He rolls off and he waddles right back to. Where do you think? Yeah, you guessed it right back over to the fireplace.
And I said, Jayden, come to Daddy. He turned around and now he's laughing on his way over to me. He's playing, making a game out of it. It gets to me. We tickle, we laugh, we embrace, we're hugging, we're having a grand old time. At that point I said, hey, we got to get ready. So, uh, I, I bring him and we'll bring them upstairs, we changed the diaper, we get them ready to go about his day and um, what could have been a frustrating scenario, turned into a fun connection time with my son by using the tools that are in my tool box. Now when I became a dad, did somebody insert a chip into me and say, hey, download all the information you need to be a father. No, I researched, I read, I compiled, I experimented, I did all of these things and the ones who worked for me worked for me.
I kind of made a quick list here
The ones who didn't, didn't but I can tell you. So when I wrote the book I was thinking to myself, what are the, what are the top things that I've done? And I made a quick list of 34 and, and I was like, I like round numbers. So I called my wife and I said, babe, what is it that we've done that a has made, our amazing? What I think to be an amazing son? Or what are the things that we've done to impact your saying, we haven't done anything. I don't know what you're talking about, and I was like, whoa. I kind of made a quick list here of things that I believe that we've done and I started going through and I went through like four or five and she's like, wow, we have done all that, haven't we? I said, yes, and we've, I've done it consciously and I've shared it with you consciously and you've implemented it, but what are some things that you think we've done?
Can you list off a few things and when you purchase the book, when you get your free copy of the book, which will be at the end of this video, I encourage you to think about it. I'm sending you a free copy of the top 40 things that have impacted my children in a positive way and I know all of us are a little biased, but I can't tell you how many times I go somewhere and somebody says to me, man, why you were a kid so well behaved? And I was like, I don't know. I just, I do what I do. But at this point so many people had asked me that I decided to write the book and put the top 40 lessons, simple lesson. So simple that when you read them, you're going to be like, I can do that. It's not whether or not you can do it, because that's so simple.
Are you going to find out a way
Everyone can do it it's whether or not you will do it. Will you critically think and understand, hey, where? Where, how many times a day do I say no? And how do I limit the number of times my kids don't say no to me because they don't know what no is because we don't implement it. Um, are you going to take that extra step? Are you going to find out a way to talk to them and where you don't look them in the eyes when you talk to them so that you give respect in order to gain respect. And you say, Hey, I'm the parent. I shouldn't have to do that.
Respect is automatic. It's not. It's earned. It's earned from them to you and from you to them. And I talk about all of these simple strategies that can allow you to with your children, allow you to earn respect from your children and allow you to love on your children. Probably not the same way your parents did, but through my research, my conversations with people, most people have broken relationships with their parents and if we don't find a different way, if we don't find our way, we're going to default to exactly what it is that we were taught, which is our experience.
I encourage you to go pick up the book
The only thing we truly know is our experience and your experience in my experience was that of the upbringing of our parents. Unless you consciously choose to do something else, if you want to be the dad that you wished you had, not the dad who, whatever your father did it you didn't like, I encourage you to go pick up the book. I'm gifting it to you. All you gotta do is take care of the shipping and handling and we'll get it out to you right away. And you could start having interactions, positive interactions, just like that fireplace interaction I had with my little one just a couple of days ago as opposed to a heated argument, a butting of heads, and really getting nowhere actually losing respect from your little one from a young age.
I'll talk to you in the next episode.
About the Author
Ryan Roy is the father of two boys and on a mission to be the dad he wished he had... and to help other fathers be the best they can be too.
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