EP16 – I Love You
Three of the most powerful words in the English language. Use them often with you children
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Hello, welcome to this episode of I don't know Jack about parenting and today I'm going to talk about why I love you and why it's important for me to tell you that I love you.
I believe are people want to be better
So welcome to this episode. I love you. I really do. I'm going to tell you number one, why I love you as an audience. Number one, if you are here, it's because at some level the words that I say resonate with you, right? I'm not here to please people who are like, all of that stuff's not gonna work. I'm here in my audience, I believe are people who want to be better, not only for themselves, but for their kids, for their communities. My audience are people who resonate with the same values I have. I love to get back into the community. I love to help people. I love to uplift people. And, and if I have any, if there's one thing that I could say in one of these videos that helps somebody be a better parent, even though I don't know Jack about parenting, um, then I will have done my job and not sit silent.
So thank you for being a part of my audience. But I want to share with you those three beautiful words that I just shared with you. I love you. I cannot tell you how many times I talk to dads and this may be you and they never heard those words from their own father. Myself... I never heard those words from my own father, but we all desire have a huge longing to be loved and accepted and wanted and needed. So to not hear those words from the person who created you can be a huge setback and detriment to your growth as a person, not only as a parent but as a person. So now we're parents, right? I imagine you're either about to be a father or you're about to be a parent or you already are, or your mom or your grandparents, whomever you are listening to this podcast, to this audio, to this video on YouTube, wherever you're consuming this.
I stopped hearing those words
I never heard the words I love you from my father. As a matter of fact, after about, I would say 8, 9, 10, I don't know where in there. My mother used to tell me every day and I used to get a hug for my mom every day and at some point I guess she thought or maybe I resisted, I don't know which way it went, but. I stopped hearing from my mom, come give me a hug and I know I was young.
Why is it that as parents, maybe that's how she was raised. Why is it that there was a need or something consciously or subconsciously, or, hey, he's growing up. He needs to be a little man. He doesn't need to hear it anymore. He doesn't need that hug or that reassurance from mom anymore. What is it in us parents that believe that you don't? Maybe it's time to set them free. Now. I'm all for empowering children. I'm all for kids having a certain level of independence, uh, as I had a huge deal of independence as a child and I think it served me at a high level. I also believe that it has not served me in many ways because I try to do everything for a very long time completely on my own, but it's because I thought I had to.
My kid knows I love them
And then when kids aren't being told they're loved and being shown that they're loved through their through the parents' actions, guess what? They start seeking other ways to get that love because they're not sure. Now people will say, this, man, I hit. My kid knows I love them. If they know, how difficult is it for you to say the words I love you. If not every day, you should be saying it multiple times a day. I tell my children, I love them when they're awake. I tell my children I love them when I'm upset with them. I tell my children I love them when they're doing good things. I tell my children, I love them when they're asleep, when they're awake, when they're asleep, it doesn't matter. I my son and I said, who loves you? He's like, you do? I said, who loves you the most?
He's like, you do, and I was like, who else loves you? Because I wanted to know that he's loved whether these people are telling them or not. I let him know that and he goes down the list of people in his life, his mom, his brother, his grandmother's, both grandmothers, his, his aunts, his uncles, his friends, and he just. Who else loves you? Then boom. Yeah. There's a lot of love in your life because I want him to know that he's valued and loved and I want them to be reminded because we need to be reminded as people that were loved because we want to have significance in this world, and if the people who love us aren't comfortable enough in their own skin to say that they love us, wouldn't that create some level of doubt? So I'm going to challenge you... if you don't do this now, if you aren't currently saying, I love you to your children on a daily basis, multiple times it can't hurt and I'm going to tell you right now, it is going to help a tremendous amount moving forward that they know that they are loved by their parents, their grandparents, and don't be too much. Don't be like, oh, we don't show any emotion. I can't tell you how many times I hear grown men tell their children not to cry. Don't cry, man up. Don't have emotion. What are we teaching our children?
Yeah, I'm talking to you
What are we teaching our children? We can't show love, which is an emotion. It's a feeling. Why can't? Why? Why are we not able to express that? Because somebody told you somewhere along the way. Yeah, I'm talking to you that you needed to be quiet that you needed to man up.
Did you get hurt? Don't cry. You know if you get hurt, man, I tell my son all the time, if you hurt, you better cry. We need to know something's wrong. It's okay to have emotion. When he's mad, I say to him, be mad. Have your emotion. When your emotion shifts or when you calm down and you're ready to talk, you know you can come and talk to daddy. Why? Because I love you and I want to know what's going on and right now I don't think you can tell me because you're at an emotional state. Do you need a hug? Right? Cry on my shoulder and when you calm down we can talk about it, but just know that daddy loves you. It's simple people. Okay? I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Shift gears here and I'm going to shift gear because I don't know Jack about parenting, but I love you. I love you because you want to be a better individual for yourself, but more, but even more so than yourself. You're doing it for your why, which you're. You're a parent too. Beautiful child or children. Life is simple. We complicate it.
My neighbor shared an amazing gift with me
We don't say I love you to someone because we're not sure how they're going to receive it. It's not our job to know how they're going to receive it. It's our job to do our job, which is to tell people that they are important to us. How they receive it is no reflection on us. It's a reflection of them. So if you say, I love you to, your kid, and they're like, no, you don't. That's on them. My neighbor shared an amazing gift with me just two days ago. She said that her, she's a foster mom to three children right now. She's had them six or seven months and the kids know how to hurt people, right? Because they'd been hurting themselves. That's why they're in foster care. So the smallest one says, you are a terrible mommy. And she says, aren't you lucky that I don't believe that.
I love you and aren't you glad? I don't think she said lucky. Aren't you glad that I don't believe that you're no good mommy. You don't know how to treat me. You don't love me. I do love you and aren't you glad that I don't believe that you believe that I'm a bad mommy.
We need to know that we're loved
Because kids will say hurtful things when they're hurt, hurt people, which was the last episode. If you, if you hadn't listened to the last episode, hurt people hurt people, and this little child that is hurt by her own parents, is taking her hurt out on people who are loving on her and tell her every single day she's loved because kids need to know that they're loved and she's testing. If I'm really bad will you love me, are you going to leave me like my mommy and daddy left me? She's testing. She's two. We're human. We need to know that we're loved out the womb and I don't know why this stops, but I'm going to tell you the other, the flip side of this, many men that I've talked to, dad never said, I love it. You mom never said I love you, I never felt loved.
Nobody ever told you he loved you. That's why you wouldn't feel love. Why would we? Why would we want to pass this on to our own children by not saying three simple words every day, if not multiple times a day, makes no sense to me. Told you eight, nine, 10 is when it was stopped being said to me. Now I believe my mom loves me. I love to believe my mom loves me and I know she does, but she, for whatever reason, I don't know her reasons has a hard time saying it, but I can tell you when I get off the phone with mom, I usually say, mom, I love you. Talk to you soon.
You've got to back it up with some actions
And it's like, well, you too. Or it's like, okay, bye. It's uncomfortable. I don't know why. 'Cause she stopped saying it! And if we're not in the habit of seeing something, we're uncomfortable saying it. So I encourage you to say it early and often so that your kids have no doubt through your words. Now here's the thing. I'm going to share this right, you've got to back it up with some actions. You can't be screaming and beating people and, and, and, and missing ball games and not showing up to school recitals and plays and being like, I love you. Back it up with some actions. So I love you because you guys show up. I love you because for whatever reason, uh, my messages resonate with you. I love you because you want to be better versions of yourself for your children and that's all we could do. I don't know much about parenting. As a matter of fact, I don't know Jack, but I do know that we all want and desire to be loved. We'll see you in the next episode.
About the Author
Ryan Roy is the father of two boys and on a mission to be the dad he wished he had... and to help other fathers be the best they can be too.
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