EP10 – Superbowl Champ Example
If a Superbowl Champ coach can make his family his #1 priority, is this something you can do too? Are you willing to? Tough question, but this may help you understand why it matters
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Welcome to this episode of, I don't know Jack about parenting. Today we're going to be talking about how you should be putting your family first, your kids first, and how important it is.
I literally just came from a lunch
So welcome. I'm super excited about today's topic and I'm going to share with you why. Number one, I am a huge football fan. And for those of you who are fans yourself, I get geeked out on a NFL network and football life. And just this morning I had one recording and knows the story of Bill Cower, the former Pittsburgh Steelers head coach and his football life. And sometimes I question, as I always talk about, hey, you should be putting your kids first. I literally just came from a lunch with my son at his school and I put a lot of energy and, or rearrange my schedule, make sure I'm at all of his events and all these things. And I'm a busy guy and I know each and every single one of you out there are super busy also. And, and, and I, and I often challenge dads to rearrange your schedule and put their family first because at the end of the day, the only thing we really have in this world are our relationships.
And then I watched Bill Cower and his opening line and his football life. And if you guys want to go back and watch it, you'll see what I mean. He literally says, uh, my football life is, is as much about my family as it is about football. And he starts, they interview his daughters and they've interviewed his daughter's throughout their life. And they're actually, they grew up in the same home. And you see their daughters at different ages, the same exact spot where they're interviewing them when they're 9 and 11, and then, you know, the, you know, 13 and 15 and you just see the evolution of his kids. And one of the clips was two of his daughters saying, you know, is that as busy as my father was, he was at every single one of our high school basketball games as his daughters play basketball.
Now, what impact is that on his daughters
She goes, I think he may have missed one, but he would rearrange his coaching schedule in the NFL. Uh, the day after the superbowl when he was at his daughter's basketball game. And He. And he said to her, she goes, the biggest thing I remember after my, win he goes, you know, yesterday's was a big win, but this one was huge. Meaning his daughters, win of her basketball game to him was bigger than winning the super bowl. Now, what impact is that on his daughters to this day? Have an amazing relationship with their father. They know that they were number one or super important to their father, even though his father had, uh, the responsibility of an NFL franchise on his shoulders for 15 years, he had the responsibility of 53 young men in the form of players, the responsibility of his entire coaching staff, media responsibilities and everything that encompasses being the head coach of a professional football team.
So I'll challenge you as a, as a father or as a parent, if you're a mom listening, I'll challenge you to think... because I know that the immediate thought, well, he has the money, right? Um, because of the money, a lot of those coaches don't put family first. Um, and I had this huge responsibility to all these people and my family can suffer. But as you see him and he talks about his football life and pretty much the second half of this hour long episode was literally talking about him and his family. Um, his wife had passed away. But his relationship with his three daughters is absolutely amazing. He has a new wife in his life and she's accepted in a family, because he always, despite his numerous commitments in his profession, always put his family first.
That's a true testament of what it is
Family was always at the games supporting him. He says the backbone of his success, even though he had all these young men in his life where his four girls, his wife and his three daughters. That's a true testament of what it is in my opinion, to be a father, being present, letting the kids know how important they are to you through your actions, not just through your words, through your actions in time spent with them. Uh, one of the things I always say is time to or love to children is spelled T I M E.
So find the time to have conversations with your little ones and as they grow old or find time to spend with them and take interest in their interests. His daughter's interests were competitive, basketball and sports. Uh, uh, he just happened to be a coach, but he took an interest in it. She said, you know, dad would always come and kind of like coaches. He's a coach of an NFL football team. He understands the mindset it takes for an athlete to be successful and he never mettled or overstepped his boundaries, but he was always there with us helping hand or to supportive words as a coach, but he couldn't have that if he wasn't there. He wouldn't have the respect of his daughters. If they told him what happened in the game and he was like, well, you could do this or that. Well, dad, you weren't there. You didn't see it. How can I value your opinion? And that's what happens. I think all too often, and listen, he, he had the same reasons not to show up as many of us do.
She said, hey, I'm having a conversation
You could have reasons, right? Or You could have results and I think Bill Cower got results, but you can't have both, right? You can't sit there and have a bunch of excuses and justifications and then wonder why you don't have a relationship with your child as your child grows up. I'll leave you with this thought. A good friend of mine who has an amazing relationship with her adult children. Um, shared her story with me one time. She said her son came over when he was about three years old, a interrupted, a conversation she was having with another adult. She basically said, hey, I'm having a conversation. How do you, how do you say, well, excuse me, and then she acknowledged and then the kid went on and on and on and on and on, and she asked him questions and he was just showing her, you know, a toy or something he had picked up or something he was playing with and he talked and he talked and he talked and she kept answering his questions and doing his things and then he was satisfied after about five minutes and he walked away and her girlfriend says, why do you do that?
And her response was very simple.
She goes, if I don't take an interest in what he is sharing with me at this age, why would I think he'd want to talk to me when he's a teenager? And really I need him to be talking to me.
And she said, a light bulb went off in her friend's mind and was like, wow. I never thought of it. Because too often a little one will interrupt us as adults and we say two adults are talking, you know, you know, you shouldn't be interrupting adults and if that sounds like something you heard growing up or something that you've repeated as a parent, I'll encourage you to stop what you're doing. Have that conversation with that little one because their attention span span is short. They'll share with you what they want to share with you and they'll be all into it and then they're going to go about their business.
I can't bother mom or dad
But if they hear no or don't interrupt me enough times, there's gonna come a time where you really desire them coming to you, but just know you have an implanted a seed in them that has grown into, um, I can't bother mom or dad and those are not the seeds that we weren't growing in inside of our kids. We want the seeds where they say, wow, no matter what's going on with mom and dad, they always stop and listen and hear what I have to say. So put family first things, jobs, other priorities can be re-prioritized.
Our relationships with our children and with our significant others are of the utmost importance.
About the Author
Ryan Roy is the father of two boys and on a mission to be the dad he wished he had... and to help other fathers be the best they can be too.
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